I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize