love makes seman taste better
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
