epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i drank out of a bidet.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
