she takes plan B like it's going out of style
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
