I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
