getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
