What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
