It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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