Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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