Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
