if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize