She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
