bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is it because I queefed?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
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