So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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