The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
