My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
