she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
