That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He shit in the fireplace
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize