All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
