Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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