I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
