I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
