I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Acid is not a monday night drug
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize