You made me cry and you don't even care
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
