She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
