I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
