I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
