happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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