just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize