i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
