My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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