K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
