You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
