If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Operation Purity has been aborted
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
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