ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
