a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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