Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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