i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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