What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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