just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
