People in love make me want to vomit
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
