we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
