It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Panties = found
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