Just cropdusted the office
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
