Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
