forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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