just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize