if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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