Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
