Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
