I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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