I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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