Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
