You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
