you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
