I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize