Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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