Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
