i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
