Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
