I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
