If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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