wakey wakey hands off snakey
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
