It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
