he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
