Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
