just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
