Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize