Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
