The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
