If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
