hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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