Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
