Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
