just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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