I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
