I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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