I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
