i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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